New Version of Windows Coming in '06 87

says...

   With a nod to David Letterman, the creator of the Original Top Ten List, it is with great pleasure that I present...

   TOP TEN NEW FEATURES IN WINDOWS VISTA

   (10) Minimum system requirements include 8GB of RAM and 1 Terabyte of disk space. You'll have about 100MB of disk, and 640K of RAM, left for apps and data. After all, "640K should be enough for anyone..."

   (9) Won't let you copy a DVD or CD until you feed your credit card to the permanently-attached, and RIAA-MPAA-sealed, card reader (optional cash-collection unit available, armored-car pickups provided at no additional charge).

   (8) Special back door lets any official of Homeland Security or the NSA capture or erase your hard drive contents at will (including pr0n).

   (7) During initial installation, it offers you a special deal to save 10% off the total cost of the first five "service packs."

   (6) Will install on laptops, but requires an 'External Storage Unit' to accomodate the necessary disk space. A medium-size backpack should do the trick...

Windows logo on the monitor, superimposed over the system's guts.

   (4) When you try and visit a web site based on open-source software, displays instead an unremovable message saying "I Am The Light, The Life, and The Way. No One Cometh Unto The Glory of Ballmer and Bill But Buy Me."

   (3) IE finally given its proper name, officially: "Internet Exploiter."

   (2) Clippy and 'Bob' are both back. In camo. With AR-15's. Try turning them off THIS time, and see what happens!

   And the #1 new feature (insert kazoo fanfare)...

   (1) Three words: Monthly Subscription Fee.

   Oh, I have perfect clarity about this. I know, beyond any doubt, that I'm going to be sticking with 2000 Pro on my workstations, NetBSD for my Internet servers, and NT 4.0 for my two (and only) Windows-based servers.

   You know, they're absolutely right. Windows is capable of running on 90%-plus of the world's computers.

   Now, whether that same figure applies to people ACTUALLY running it is another question... ;-)

   One that I will have to capture a video of, make a few "modifications," and show it to some of my fellow *nix and open-source folk.

   I worry when people start declaring that Microsoft and Windows make up an "ecosystem..."

   Whoop-dee-flippety-doo... And current OS's can't do all of this? Come on!

   Except for Claria, of course, and any other spyware-adware firms that 'Uncle Fester' Ballmer and Cousin Bill decide to buy up.

   Uh oh... Heard that before! Wonder if they'll miss... again!        Keep the peace(es).

-- Dr. Anton T. Squeegee, Director, Dutch Surrealist Plumbing Insbreastute. (Known to some as Bruce Lane, ARS KC7GR, kyrrin (a-t) bluefeathertechd=o=tcalm -- www.bluefeathertech.com "If Salvador Dali had owned a computer, would it have been equipped with surreal ports?"