OT "The Evil That Men Do" 6754

On Monday 12 December 2005 16:12, I-aki Silanes stood up and spoke the following words to the mbuttes incomp.os.linux.advocacy...:

DFSis already in mykillfile,and he knows why he is. Yet, for the record I'm going to briefly address this allegation, just so nobody else would have the same wrong idea.

When I mention my Asperger's Syndrome, it's first of all because I now *know* that I have it. I've been living with it for almost 42 years without that I even knew about it myself.

I knew I wasdifferentin a way, but I never knew why until I figured already had this confirmed by a psychiatrist in the meantime.

Knowing I have Asperger's makes me pay more attention to the differences between others and myself. Therefore, I may know that my reaction is not the same as with other people, although I'm not always sure as to how exactly other people are then supposed to react. Hence, I mention my affliction in contexts where I think others might react differently.

Secondly, I may jokingly refer to my Asperger's Syndrome because Aspergians - like all autists - have a need for sameness and order. I have only recently mentioned my affliction on the Gentoo newsgroup, and someone's reaction was that he could see how GNU-Linux would be the perfect operating system for me.

Thirdly, I wear my autism like a crown. It's not a shame to be autistic. I'm not retarded - I actually have a very high IQ, which is one of the determining diagnostic factors for Asperger's Syndrome (also known as High Functioning Autism) in relation to normal autism - nor am I insane or psychotic. It's just that compared to normal humans, I appear somewhat of an alien in my reasoning and behavior, if you will.

This does however not mean that my behavior or reasoning are erratic. In fact, I've come to experience that I am often right where others are wrong, simply because my thought processes are almost entirely driven by pure logic, similar to theVulcansin "Star Trek".

This does however not say that I haven't got any emotions or that my emotions are not that intense. If anything, like any experience I have - e.g. sensory input - my emotions are actually *highly* intense, but order and logic are very predominant in my everyday life.

I will however not always or not often put my feelings - both emotionally or sensory - on display, by which I mean that I do talk of my emotions or feelings where needed, but somehow they don't show off my face.

As pain is a feeling, this also means people always think that I'm not in too much pain when in fact I am. I also don't whine about physical or emotional pain. It's there and I simply accept it and endure it.

The only real exception to that rule is when the pain is so intense that I can't stop my body from reacting to it by squirming, e.g. on the (multiple) occasions that I was rushed to a hospital in the middle of a kidney crisis.

Possibly my tendency not to show pain could be explained by my parents never having paid too much attention to any of my physical discomforts when I was younger. They never took me seriously and always said I exaggerated. And well... That's also the reaction my teachers (and parents) gave me in regards to the bullying in school.

It seems awkward, but apparently certain patterns in life are repebreastive, even if they are entirely driven by other people. This is one of the reasons why I believe that every soul on this planet lives in his or her own metaphysical universe, with its own patterns and laws.

Life is strange...

-- With kind regards,

*Aragorn* (Registered GNU-Linux user #223157)