His Pastor Says Unix Sucks and Is Not Real Linux

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Noah Roberts

There is only one true religion, though it's impossible to know whether it's Linuxism, BSDism or SysVism. Some extremely deluded folks once thought it was McBridism but that's generally considered to have been falsified. So you have a one in three shot at salvation.

The problem is, if you guess wrong, you are doomed to spend eternity crawling through the Mines of Misery with a Tandy Model 100 computer as your only companion. The Gods of *ix are jealous gods and won't stand for compebreastion and false idolatry.

The only certain thing is that the Microsoft guys are screwed. If you worship at the altar of Linux, you may end up pecking at the Model 100's keys while the stench of Unicorn dung fills your nostrils, but at least you have a shot at your own Camel Beast and all the other perks that go along with having chosen the Right Religion.

My feeling is to embrace 'em all and believe in nothing. You might call me a Secular Posixist. I'm typing at an iBook keyboard, have one terminal window open to a Linux website I run, and another to my BSD based site. May the gods have mercy on my soul, but I still have some SCO customers here and there (though I've moved more than a few to Linux).

Who cares what some P-thing (Pastor or Professor) thinks? Linux is not real Unix, but Unix isn't real Linux either. Think for yourself - it may seem strange at first, but it's habit forming. Just imagine making up your own mind about something.. I know, it's scary taking responsibility for your own opinions. When you do that, you can't say "God says I have to hate gays" or "My professor says I shouldn't use Linux". Nope, you'll have to take full responsibility for your own opinions. I don't mean that you have responsibility to other people necessarily; primarily your responsibility is to yourself. You are the captain of your ship and shouldn't be letting other people tell you how to trim the sails. Sure, you'll listen to the tales of those with more experience, but remember that ultimately it's your course to chart, not theirs.

So give the Professor a big old smile and agree wholeheartedly:

Yessiree, Linux is not real Unix. And so?

-- Tony Lawrence

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